It all Feels like Vain Efforts

When your mind is captive to your body 

and your image doesn't fit society's 

and your heart is trapped in a place you can't call home

 

When you speak in but never out

and your chest feels thunder roaring under clouds of doubt

when your words fill pictures in your mind

F**k the rhymes

 

Your words carry the battle of pain and gratitude

that can never manifest into actual sentences

choke it down your throat with your tears 

your chronic sense of nourishment

You see yourself living differently 

You contemplate the word family

You fight between selfish and sacrifice

and have to choose other than yourself

 

When your dreams stay afloat with a single raft

out in a deep sea of opportunity

but you never learned how to swim

 

When poetry means instead giving myself a chance to fly

at least for a second

I pretend 

that with paper and pen

someone understands what it is like to live as a lie

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
Our world

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