It’s not just that

Mom says, “you’re just hungry.”

Dad says, “you’re just tired.”

But it’s not just that!

I’m starving, don’t you see?

I never eat, and yet I’m still fat.

I throw up after every meal, yet I’m still ugly

Dad says I’m beautiful, but he looks away as he says it

I never sleep. I blame insomnia.

Mom says I’m overreacting.

I’m sad.

My heart bleeds out like a open stab wound, inviting others to come and kick me while I’m down. They do

I’m pushed, shoved, beaten, battered,

I’m bloodied; waiting

Waiting for the final straw

For the end of the line

Waiting to jump

Jump off the edge

Into a place of no return, where monsters are real, and everyone sees the world as it is.

A place of destruction

Like a dystopian future

Where we fight for our lives, but no one else sees us fighting

We are a community

The depressed, lonely, defenseless, useless, broken

The unstable, the delinquents, the unwanted

The people that the world shields from the innocent eyes of children

When the real monsters are them

The people who think themselves better, cause us to be this way

The ones who pretend that nothing is wrong

Because something is wrong

The children that you try so hard to protect will make the same mistakes as you

They will hide

They will hate

They will kill

They will become the monsters

The demons

The ones who scream at us, “you’re not good enough”

They ones who confirm what we already know in our hearts

That we are better off dead

So

At the end of line

At the last push

At the final straw

We die.

We take your advice, one last time

And you say

“What a shame that they died.”

“I’m so sorry”

“Her poor family”

They pretend

They lie

Because they can’t hold the guilt of my death

Because they don’t want to

Because if they do, the veil will unfold,

And the real world will be exposed

To the pain

The violence

The malevolent souls

The guilt

So they hide in cowardice

And the world spins on

My legacy gone

As I fade to nothing

Once more

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
Our world

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741