Insubstansial

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I have never longed for emptiness

But now it is all I could ever hope for

I stare every day at the girl in the mirror

And can't help to compare

To the girls in the hall

There is too much

Between my waist and my hipbone

Too much 

Surrounding my ankle bones

Too much

Under my chin

I can't stand it

I am worthless

Unless I am empty

There is no pain in my stomach

None

I refuse to acknowledge it

I have to be thin

Have to be thin

To be thin. . .

An unknown territory

Needing to explore

Thinner, thinner, 

Less and less

Of me

It is the only acceptable answer

I denounce all others

I look at the thing staring back at me in the mirror 

And I don't like what I see

That is not me

It's not me

I am the girl who refuses that extra cookie

The girl who skips out on lunch

The one part of myself that I can be proud of

I have a dream, an

Aspiration

To be thin

Like the girls I see in the hall

Thin

Thin 

Thin

Never hungry

What is food?

My enemy

Thin

The part of me that slides away the plate of food

Thin

The part of me that secretely longs for a growl in my stomach

Thin

The bones jutting out from under my gossamer skin

Thin

The only thought in my head as I fall to the ground

Thin

My eyes close. I can hear sirens sounding

But I am proud

As I faint

Because I may actually be 

Thin.

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