I am not perfect

Though I have tried to be

Sometimes

I still try to be

There is something about being flawless that

Mutes my inner voice as it pauses to bathe 

In steamy ecstasy

That very high

Is venomous fang

The rumble before the sky cries lava

And when

I catch sight of this 

This hint of hideousness

Or the hideousness you make me feel

I can feel the itch

My vision but a blur

A sharp edge dangling between my fingers

Mistakes are for the imperfect

A condition I did not allow

To have the wrong answer would be 

Ignorance worn on a wise woman

One for which I claim to be 

Therefore sound the alarms

Close the gates

Restain he and she who dares to be themselves

Pierce their hearts and burn their skin 

'Til there be nothing left but the tiny embers of their crushed spirits

It was here in this room

In this place, in this part in my mind

That clung so desperately 

The desire to be punished

Brainwashing myself to believe 

Diamonds were the goal 

And a pebble I had been born

It was here in this room

In this place, in this part in my mind

Where I begged for the cloud's forgiveness 

I whipped my own skin

And confused my cry with my laugh

A frost bitten air I breathed

And I liked it

Deeply inhaling the nothingness of my delusions

At this time I learned 

How to wear tears 

With a smile

I did not want to think

I wanted to be perfect

Since then, I have better tethered my demons

Ceased to allow them to feast on my spirit

In exchange for a fear I truly believed

Would keep my imperfections in line

Now a risen Sun beams thru my teeth

Causing me to be insecure about my smile

Every now and again

When I spill the drink

Knock over the lamp

Or make the wrong turn

I fix my face and take a step back

No more do I bind my arms and legs to throw myself into a flame

Realization struck that making mistakes was a part of being human

A creation of which I am proud to be 

This mindset washed up 

Onto the shores of my existence like an ointment

Made of sage and menthol

Do not believe I braved this mountain all by my lonesome

Believe me when I say

Finding family was what saved me from 

Complete and utter self destruction 

A plethura of light they broke through my fog

Carried me to an oasis of love and purpose

Uncharted waters I had yet to explore

Together we sail through strorms 

And stumble upon beaches

I gaze into their eyes as whispers of my past self

Blow past my face

I sit them down on the sand

I sharpen their ears with words off my tongue 

As I prepare them for my speech

Unashamed 

I present this heart

Used, in good condition

Beating and misshapen with quality battle scars

I clasp my hands

Bow head

and part humble lips

To utter

A giant "Thank you."