I'm Gay

 

It's no secret, I like boys

But this isn't what it seems. 

Keep your sympathy, I don't need it;

Don't let this sway your feelings toward me, you don't know me.

 

For years, I wandered the clouds of my youth following the norm

that boys like girls, and girls like boys.

My family preached that gay is not okay, 

that it is a sin, that it is an abomination, that they would never let a child be gay.

 

I wandered the clouds of my youth, following the norm

dating girls, ignoring how I felt about that boy at the lunch table. 

Ignoring how I thought he was cute,

ignoring how much I wanted to just compliment him. 

 

I persevered, I followed the clouds of my youth...

ignorant. Ignoring myself,

my feelings, my thoughts, my desires, 

avoiding the disappointment if my family were to discover 

 

that I'm... I'm gay.

 

A revelation! I've said it. I've thought it. 

My friends know, as does my stepmother and father.

As does my aunt, my best friend, her mom; her family.

Oblivous, only left in the shadows, is my mom.

 

My homophobic mother, so Christian and conservative.

My homophobic mother, wishing all gays would get caught 

in a mass genocide; lined up, shot, buried, forgotten. 

MY homophobic mother, oh how I apologize.

 

I am sorry that you don't agree,

yet i do not wish to change. I cannot, 

this is me. I know that. You know that. 

I've learned, I've evolved, I've moved on. 

 

I've grown into myself. 

I've molted the facade of heterosexuality.

I've kissed a boy, 

I've discovered what I am supposed to be.

 

I'm gay, but I know its okay.

 

I've grown. I realized on that day, 

when I knew, when I understood,

what it was to be gay, 

that I had grown up.

 

I now walk amongst the clouds of emerging adulthood.

I walk with those who do not follow societal norms. 

I am among those who refuse to let someone else decide their fate.

I am one of the few to grow up and grow out, as a tree would.

 

I'm gay, I'm a tree, I've taken root, and I am not moving. Only growing.

I'm not just a seed anymore.