If You Really Knew Me.

Fri, 07/01/2016 - 12:04 -- Bavism

I write to let people know the real me, not the one their minds made me up to be.

If you really knew me, you'd know after my parents divorce ,my mother became mentally abusive. 

If you really knew me, you'd know after suffering thirteen years from her relentless abuse, I finally got away from her. Once I got away, I never referred to that woman as "mom" again.

If you really knew me you'd know I've struggled with low self esteem/body image since a young age.

If you really knew me you'd know after years of starving myself, I decided it was time to get healthy and I worked my ass off to get there.

If you really knew me, you'd know  in the summer of 2014 I met somebody who made me feel complete.

If you really knew, that that same someone who "completed" me, referred to me as worthless everyday and didn't hestitate to leave marks on my face.

If you really knew me, you'd know I began to believe what he repeatedky told me. 

If you really knew me, you'd know the summer 2014 changed me from a goody-goody, to a reckless teen that was constantly sneaking out, smoking, drinking, etc.

If you really knew me, you'd know I almost lost my friends to that.

If you really knew me you'd know that I became depressed and was sent to a counselor. 

If you really knew me you'd know I started drinking every night to forgot why I was sad.

If you really knew me you'd know I did my best to get my shit together and get my friends back.

If you really knew me you'd know after a month of being sober, I relapsed and went back to binge drinking and doing what I did best.

If you really knew me you'd know that oxycodone became my bestfriend- a drug that allowed me to forget all my worries. 

If you really knew me you'd know that I had to protect the ones I loved so I lied and said I was ok.

If you really knew me you'd know I went to school drunk or high everyday. 

If you really knew me you'd know one day I ran out and the withdrawl was too much.

If you really knew me you'd know on November 2, I tried to take my own life.

If you really knew me you'd know I went to school  drunk the next day, like nothing had even happened.

If you really knew me you'd know once my dad found out I was rushed to the hospital and finally I was forced to tell the truth.

If you really knew me you'd know everyone was supportive.. The opposite of what I had expected.

If you really knew me you'd know I was placed in a partial program to help with my depression and a drug counseling program to find different ways to cope.

If you really knew me you'd know I've made amazing progress.

If you really knew me you'd know without my supportive friends and family I wouldn't have made it this far.. Or made it at all.

If you really knew me you'd know I finally got away from drugs, alcohol and my ex.

If you really knew me you'd know I can easily say I'm happy and glad to be alive, because I have a big future ahead.

If you really knew me you'd know that I met someone that calls me beautiful everyday, not worthless.

If you really knew me, you'd know I am know a high-honor roll student, recovering addict, active member of the community, commited girlfriend, and a driven individual.

If you really knew me, you wouldn't have wasted your time reading this, but for those who don't know me, now you do.

This poem is about: 
Me

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