If you loved me, truly loved me
You were my first kiss
I thought you were the one
The one to be my first and last
But as time goes on I think I was wrong
You convince me to stay with you
Give myself to you
But I realize what it was was not love
It was a desire that needed satisfaction
Not genuine love and affection
It was a manipulation
of my heart and emotions
I realized you needed insurance
If one didn't work out, then at least you have two
One that is for certain with you
and one that is ready and in view
I watch you and her
with a heavy heart
I push aside my sadness
and bury my affliction
But it becomes more difficult and painful
as you teeter with her and I, disrespectful and disdainful
Yet I never find myself angry with you, just her
I never let you in on my pain, keep it a blur
This is not love, it is obsession
a moral compression
of innate desires that are yours
and a genuine fire that is mine
I'm told I deserve better
And I agree with that advice
Then why, oh why, do I let you be the one to suffice
Because deep in your heart,
I think, at least
You feel the same about me
That connection we feel
that which with a kiss we had sealed
That respect you give me
when its just you and me
That feeling of assurance and safety I feel
when in your arms I sleep
That euphoria I experience
when in your eyes I see
Oh, but see, here is the exploitation
because if you loved me,
truly loved me, there would be no hesitation
If you loved me,
Truly loved me, there would be no fear, no expectations
because if you loved me,
truly loved me, my company, my admiration for you
would be enough
and if you loved me,
truly loved me, you would not hurt me so much
you would not smile at me one day and ignore me all the rest
you would not kiss me and hug me and then say "all of that, lets forget"
you would not write me a "love letter" and then proceed to avoid
because if you loved me,
truly loved me, you would not treat me like a plastic toy.