If you loved me, truly loved me

You were my first kiss 

I thought you were the one 

The one to be my first and last 

But as time goes on I think I was wrong 

You convince me to stay with you 

Give myself to you 

But I realize what it was was not love 

It was a desire that needed satisfaction

Not genuine love and affection 

It was a manipulation 

of my heart and emotions

I realized you needed insurance  

If one didn't work out, then at least you have two 

One that is for certain with you 

and one that is ready and in view 

I watch you and her 

with a heavy heart 

I push aside my sadness 

and bury my affliction 

But it becomes more difficult and painful 

as you teeter with her and I, disrespectful and disdainful 

Yet I never find myself angry with you, just her 

I never let you in on my pain, keep it a blur 

This is not love, it is obsession 

a moral compression 

of innate desires that are yours 

and a genuine fire that is mine 

I'm told I deserve better

And I agree with that advice 

Then why, oh why, do I let you be the one to suffice 

Because deep in your heart, 

I think, at least 

You feel the same about me 

That connection we feel 

that which with a kiss we had sealed

That respect you give me

when its just you and me 

That feeling of assurance and safety I feel 

when in your arms I sleep 

That euphoria I experience 

when in your eyes I see 

Oh, but see, here is the exploitation 

because if you loved me, 

truly loved me, there would be no hesitation 

If you loved me, 

Truly loved me, there would be no fear, no expectations 

because if you loved me, 

truly loved me, my company, my admiration for you

would be enough  

and if you loved me, 

truly loved me, you would not hurt me so much

you would not smile at me one day and ignore me all the rest 

you would not kiss me and hug me and then say "all of that, lets forget" 

you would not write me a "love letter" and then proceed to avoid 

because if you loved me, 

truly loved me, you would not treat me like a plastic toy.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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