i swear im not a Feminist

Answer me this; Why do those with voices remain mute? Tell me why fundamental theorems in math are decorated with Cauchy, Leibniz, Euler, Fermat….I could go on…but none have a touch of femininity. Why hasn’t there been another Marie Curie or Virginia Wolf lately? Tell me, why?

Because I honestly don’t know. But I also believe it’s a complicated answer. It’s a challenge to believe you are just as smart or just as capable when you work your ass off and he still gets a higher grade or he beats your time by nearly 7 minutes. It’s easy to say we are equal but one day come into realization, as your walking home from school, that you can’t remember the last time a woman took overall. It’s honestly hard to assuage a mustering resentment when you are constantly slapped in the face by such a harsh reality; not to mention discouraging from trying harder.

It’s easy to see us in retrospect, bodies ornamented with cuts and bruises layered on each other thinking they’re product from the attempt of chiseling our name deep into mother nature’s face, scarring her for future generations, but are truly from slamming into the glass wall, glass ceiling, glass floor…..from pounding against this glass fucking box we were born in; like crows breaking their beaks on the deceptively clean partition separating human and beast. At least the crow ends with a good twitch or two. We create lineage. We build foundations on hope that the next will be stronger and wiser. We raise the next hoping to imbed a code to bypass the mistakes me made ourselves but we forget, even the most cunning algorithm couldn’t avoid life’s shitty combinatorics.

But then I realized, it’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves. Through out college, I’ve come across women so passionately, headstrong on feminism. I have encountered women so beaten and raped of patience for men that nothing is left but disgust and a pessimistic attitude. I have seen women moved to tears from the hatred they allow poisoning their hearts and preventing any forgiveness. I have heard sour words spew from female’s mouths claiming she’s equal. But if I’ve learned anything from math, it’s that you can’t use your claim in the construction of your proof. You have to be crafty and a lot of the times, proof is found indirectly. We can’t say we are smart when our actions say otherwise. We show we are smart my educating ourselves. We show we are strong with fervor. We show we are serious with unfailing commitment. We show we are leaders by widening our arms even to the most ignorant and showering them with a bulletproof love….

So I do everything in spite of this crucible I woke up in. I work harder, run faster, study longer, scream louder, listen closer, choose wiser - all for you, and her, and she, and us. I will die, screaming my lungs dry of oxygen, encouraging the world to open her eyes before I ever raise any white flag. And I encourage you all to do the same. Silence is okay but idle actions aren’t; otherwise voice will eventually become mute.

Comments

emart019

im not really a feminist. i the only girl and have 2 brothers. i actually usually only have guy friends. but i do think women should stand up more. im a Master student at CSULB majoring in mathematics (no, i dont want to be a teacher I just really like math.) The main point of the poem was to describe who we are. Well, i am woman so hear me roar.

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