Some days I look at you and think of how much you mean to me,

How I want to stay with you but can't stand to touch you,

How happy you can make me yet I still feel distant.

How I love you so much, but can't stand the thought of being in the same room as you.

My body is getting healthier but my mind is not,

Its rotting inside my skull and I can feel the bugs eating away at the flesh,

But it doesn't bother me anymore, at least not like it used to.

What once was a roaring cacophony in my head is nothing more than a dull ache now.

And it feels wrong to say I miss the noise but it cradles me like a lover long gone

Its delicate hands wrapped around my neck slowly closing off my airway,

But I'm fine with it because I can't stand to be in a body I hate

For what reason is there for me to have one if I can't stand to look at it

And I hate my room because it's so bland and never the way I want

But I don't even know what I want it to look like, yet I wish for something better.

All I do is take and take and I know this but I don't know how to stop

And I feel so bad for others around me that I forget to feel bad for myself

And it's so dark and it's so cold but it's so effortlessly comforting and I don't know why.

I've come off my leash and I bite at the comforting hands because I've never felt deserving of it yet they praise me despite it all.

I’m such a bad dog and I know this but I refuse to stop biting at everyone 

And I feel so disconnected from everyone that now the days seem to be the exact same

And nothing ever changes and I hate that.

So I will continue to put up walls and be hidden in the background until I can finally leave this place behind.