I keep thinking,

"Hey, I'm getting better. I'm all better now."

And then I realize everything I've said lately,

and I look at how I act,

and how I think and I

psychoanalyze myself and look down on myself 

because someone who was "good" or "fine now"

etcetera wouldn't act this way

or think like this, or say these things.

A person who was better wouldn't be psychoanalyzing themselves

trying to figure out how to fake being okay again.