I forgive you

I raised you since I was 9 years old 

You took away my childhood 
Yet i did not protest 
For I understood your mind wasn't like the rest
 
You saw the world through allbrite's eyes 
Your comprehension ran a slower pace
We're all running the same race 
Yet your mind trails behind 
 
Your body has changes for 23 years 
Yet your brain remains 8 year old boy
trying to catch up 
To the rest of you 
 
But I will always run on the sidelines 
Lifting you up
Cheering you on 
I will be the guiding star 
That will bring you home 
 
Even though your whisky meteor showers 
stumbling through the doors at early hours of late nights 
The scent of alcohol lingers in the air 
Yet this atmosphere is different
 
Your eyes are filled by something I haven't seen 
Little white crystals form a line on the table 
You inhale them in seconds 
And the frame of your soul is overcome with black smoke 
 
You raise your fist like you do everytime 
and everytime  I plead and I cry 
But you do not stop 
 
Yet this psychical pain does not phase me 
No 
What hurts me is seeing you devoured by drugs
And lost forever 
Wondering the streets like a zombie 
Numb to love 
 
Watching you slowing kill Yourself 
Is what brings me to my knees 
 
Others mistake this for weakness 
But this is where I found forgiveness 
 
I forgive you 
 
Yet I tried and I tried  
To give you the help that you never wanted 
 
But how could I help a lost soul find its way home
When I don't even know what home is anymore 
And how could I watch you
buy a one way ticket straight to hell?
I can't
 
I paint a picture over it 
I pretend like it's all okay
I never let anyone in
For I'm afraid they'll find out 
Of my monstrous secrets 
 
And so I live my life
Believing no one could ever love me 
Because I have forgot how to love myself 
 
And I have no one els to thank but 
My brother 
 
The one that showed me 
That it's okay 
 
To die alone  
 
 
This poem is about: 
My family

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