Every time another person tells me I look tired I feel my body tense a bit more I feel a wave of some kind of emotional paid run though my body I feel like a failure I feel like I’ve failed at being a woman I feel a big part of my self confidence crumble and cause permanent damage to how I look at myself.  The numbers give me a headache, it’s the scales the calories the hours since I ate it’s the day since I last showered and the amount of cigarettes I’ve smoked. Sometimes it feels like these things consume me and it’s never going to end  but it does eventually. I’m always waiting for a comment my guard is always up it’s a weird feeling trying to protect your  mind at the same time it’s trying to destroy you