I Fear I Have Failed
When nothing seemed to go as planned,
When I was ripped at the seams of my organized mind,
Time dragged on longer than it spanned.
I searched without knowing what I wanted to find.
When I flew, I crashed.
When I lit up the room, I burned.
But before my eyes it flashed,
The fear of losing what I thought I had earned.
When I laughed, I cried.
When everything fell apart, I pretended it didn’t.
Because I knew the strength I had when I tried,
But I didn’t realize the strength it took to come home was hidden.
When coming home felt like my greatest fear,
When admitting it felt like the end of the world,
I didn’t know something not working out would bring so many tears
Or that facing my fear of failure would take me out of the box in which I stood.
When people tell you how brave you are for taking risks,
When I believed that a display of pride was greater than a peace of mind,
I learned that distraught is not something pride can fix,
And unfulfillment is not something I can hide.
When I faced the fact that I cannot hide behind a perfect facade,
When I accepted that this time I got it wrong,
I could finally take off the mask and being bare felt so odd,
But suddenly my heart skipped to the beat of a different song.
Because I never quite knew the strength it took,
Or how free I’d feel after the first step out of shell I called home,
To embrace the plans that fell apart as they shook.
When I embraced my failure, I gained a sense of hope and felt a little less alone.