He was begging me not to.

No matter how much I wanted to do it

The spoken poem was grabbing my attention

And yet pinning me down to the earth I hated so much.

It latched onto my thoughts.

With every tear, the poem screamed louder.

I envied the taken lives when I knew it wasn't me thinking it.

These spoken poems always speak of depression as a being

Whether it is little or it seizes all of you,

It'll still be there.

-

I see it as a drunken state.

I blackout for a while,

Walking silently or trying to act normally in front of others

Either way it's obvious, but when you mention it, I'll turn.

I'll be the angry drunk.

I'll be the emotional drunk.

The difference is I refuse the offer to be driven home.

I’d want to take my chances,

Whether that be walking home or driving,

I'll never listen.

I love you’s go from treasure to trash

And worrying gets you into more problems.

The hangover leaves me with more problems then I started with

Causing me to drink once more the sweetly toxic drink of depression.

When you are an alcoholic, like me, 

But without the real meaning,

And left without real meaning,

It starts to become a habit that we drink to forget.

That's my depressive state. The blackouts. Everything.

It always started off small, but as it became my everyday me

I started to drink to forget — well,

I drink to forget the numb feeling

I drink to forget the world crashing around me

I drink to forget my parents yelling at my siblings for many reasons

I drink to forget myself, the one who had let it all happen in the first place.

The dripping liquor from my mouth?

I drink to forget it

though I'm stuck in limbo

In exactly

This

Spot.

I guess I'm waiting for the thing or person who will stop the ball from rolling,

Who will make me put down the bottle,

And help me clean up the broken glass around me.

I don't know when or if that day will come

But I wouldn't hold my breathe.

Instead I'll replay the spoken poem,

Pretend to never have touch that toxic liquid,

And say, with a smile, to those who enter my life,

“Welcome!”