i don't need you

at all

but

i want you

and this constant struggle between want and need highlights a crucial point

i am not only indecisive but entirely incapable of choosing

i know what i should choose

what is expected of me

i know what i will choose

what my nature is

it's simply that i have an issue with unfinished stories

blank page after page of what could be

the most epic of love stories

or a terrible atrocity

a butchered work

to be crumpled up and tossed in the garbage

this brings up another point

should i choose one

simply because the other terrifies me

i have no idea what you want

what you plan to do

i'm not entirely sure that you know

and that is what puts the worst kinds of quakes in my stomach

the kind that make me want to rip my mind to shreds

for even returning to such familiar thoughts