I don’t understand why you pushed me away.
I tried so hard to follow in your footsteps,
To be a lamb and live by your teachings.
I had planned to dedicate my life to you,
A marriage of the heart, body and soul.
I wanted to help you complete your work,
Assist those who were not as blessed as we were.
I built my life around you,
But I only found solace when I tore it down.
I was in love with you, devoted.
But you didn’t return that love.
You made me feel ashamed amongst your admirers.
They saw your serene light,
You only showed me your darkness.
You soured my thoughts.
You invaded my dreams-
Obscured them into nightmares.
I never found comfort in your house,
Or even your presence.
I did try…
I tried so hard to
Deceive myself into believing that if I gave more,
If I conformed my life to mirror your image,
That the pain would lessen, that being with you would become easier.
You gifted me with empathy,
Then tortured my mind with toils and miseries.
I finally stopped crying over the horrible visions you stored in my head
The day I let you go.
It wasn’t easy,
I’ve kept the decision to myself,
It’s one I have struggled with,
Lied to my loved ones about.
They wouldn’t understand the things you did to me.
You insistently drove me insane,
You brought me to the edge.
I don’t understand why you didn’t want me.
Your word is spread with promises of acceptance and love.
But you left me in the shadows,
And you choose to guide everyone else into the sun.
Nietzche claims you are dead.
That’s alright with me.
I want you to know that I finally found my light,
When I realized you mean nothing, and that I don’t need you.