Not good enough?
What is “good enough”?
Will I be “good enough” when my hair is down to my ass
And my eyes are altered to turn blue from thin layers of magnifying glasses
And my clothes pink and flowy
And my waist a size zero and my boobs are a C cup
But without even looking deeper into how I feel and understanding what I feel
You judge without any sense of who I really am.
You, like the watch on your wrist mechanically move in a circle not stopping to take the time to think
Think about the actions you are making or the vicious words that
roll out of the sea
on to the shore
into my ears
Do you think that if I was thinner, slimmer, taller,
Would it make me a better person
No I do not need to wear makeup every waking minute of the day
Next thing I know I will have to wear makeup in bed because I live in fear of you seeing me naked.
Seeing the real me.
Do you not understand there is more to me than my appearance?
Yes I may not always look the best but you can be sure as hell that I
Will BE the best PERSON that I can be.
It is because of you that I am not in control of how I view my body
My own being
I’m pretty sure you call yourself fat, overweight, large , obese, on the average of three times a day without even noticing that you’re doing it
“ I shouldn’t be eating this”
“ I am so out of shape”
“I can’t wear that, its not flattering”
You are never satisfied by the way you look
No that shirt does not make you look fat and that dress does not make you look like you have a huge ass
The clothes that you wear do not define the way your body looks
Your body is your body
I am tired of you looking at yourself poorly and trying diet after diet after diet
Being healthy is one thing but how can you be healthy when you aren’t mentally healthy
When your mind has such an unhealthy and damaging outlook on yourself you can never be healthy
You put your weight on me.
The “I”s turn into “you”s
“You shouldn’t eat that, its unhealthy.”
“You are probably out of shape.”
“That doesn’t look flattering on YOU”
You have to point out that I am not perfect in the most detrimental ways
You nitpick every single aspect of my life
You pick and pick and pick and pick and pick and pick and pick
Until the only thing left is an empty shell of a 17 year old
Yes you may love me but I have not learned yet how to love
Myself, my body, my being
Because of you
Because you don’t love yourself
And how could a daughter learn to love herself when her role model
Always looks down.