I Cannot Grasp Enough Breath

I cannot grasp enough breath to express a single word from my mouth. 

I can feel my heart beating like a drum with a rhyme that can’t find a pattern and I can't feel the pulse drags through my heart, body and heart again.

I feel like an empty bottle drifting and falling, betraying my own self by because I hurt you, and I promised I wouldn't do that.

I feel like a drain, falling and spiraling unsure of where I'm going, but following the flow of everything else.
This heartbreak has lasted a more than a lifetime with bandaids that continuously ripped off and damaged.

It's been a broken waterslide with ups and downs and night long headaches from crying over you. 

Nothing is left because we set everything we owned on fire and watched it burn down asking ourselves why we did it.

You were the sun in my sunset, draining all of the love and color I held between my eyes and smile.

And I believed you when you would whisper “always”, tucking my hair behind my ear and staring in my eyes like I was a jewel you couldn’t quite touch. 

I believed the kisses that tasted like joy and tears masked into so many colors that we created a pastel masterpiece just by touch. 

I swore we could’ve made it work, but my breath got caught somewhere along the road and then you were too far to hear me scream. 

I couldn't get help from the waves that decided I was the next victim of drowning in  Depression I always ran from. 

Maybe I should’ve warned you of Depression, my true owner and leader. The being that never lets me go, only lets me wander. 

They don’t like me happy, they pull me away from things that do. And one thing for sure, they absolutely hated you.

They would pull me into music and tears and pillows that collected my screams every night at two in the morning.

Thing is, I think Depression gave me more attention than you, even though their touch left red marks on my skin, at least they touched me.

I cannot grasp enough breath to express a single scream for help from my mouth. 

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