I and the Words


I started scribbling down Words as soon as I could hold a pencil
old Words
others Words
made me feel and move and cry and breathe Words
      and I was little and it was cute and every picture and song was a new story and I guess I was just born a writer

I jotted Words into shiny new notebooks at age twelve
about the boy Words
colors and sunshine Words
especially and essentially and mostly about the boy Words
      and I shared them and the reactions were dull and I crammed them back into the desk drawers and tried to forget

I concealed the Words that I only wrote at night
never to share Words
just get it out Words
holding on and giving in and letting go Words
      and I wrote and I wrote more and I turned the pages over and upside down and I kept writing until it was illegible and I remembered how to breathe

I opened the Words to the world as a senior
mary sue Words
based on the movie Words
i can't believe i actually wrote these Words
      and they were popular and a friend happened to find them and he told me he loved them and

therefore me and I

I lost the Words.

I lost the Words
I lost the words

I lost the words

I lost

I lost



I lost



I tried again with the words when I finally knew no one was looking
cautious words
hesitant Words
finally breathing a sigh of relief and relaxing as I remembered Words and crying out and thanking god as I found the Words and mashing keys until my fingers were numb Words and coming to grips with the fact that sometimes I can't fight Words and that things only wrap themselves around your heart and pull at your fingertips when you are in love Words and some things I don't choose to be because I just am Words

(I don't write the Words for them now
no for the boy Words
no because I'm told to Words
no demands from lost people in search Words
      and the pages feel like home and there's so much still to write and I have been found and I will never be alone or lost)

      and I keep the Words in files and bright and lovely notebooks and They are Me and I am Them and that is all We are and ever should have been.


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