I Am The Girl

Sat, 01/17/2015 - 19:13 -- 432yyy

Look at me

I have it all together, right?

The athletic, artistic, and musical phenom

Of my sleepy town.

4 year varsity letterwinner,

Honor Student,

High achieving,

Pre-Medicine Student Athlete College Bound

Ball of potential,

With the highest of expectations.


The girl whose life seems perfect

Like pieces of a puzzle fitting easily together.

And she always sees the best in things

And she always finds something good in everyone

And she laughs at the thought of failure

And she loves without distrust

And she’s beautiful

And isn’t she the sweetest thing?

And she’s so, so strong..

The girl with a life that many might envy.

But looks can be very,




I am the girl who always wears a smile

Even through the tough days

Because showing tears would mean showing weakness.


I am the girl who laughs off the jokes

And pretends it does not hurt,

Because that is what everyone wants me to do.


I am the friend who is called on

Only in times of need

And desperation

Because they know I will not argue or ask:

“Why I am only loved

When I have something to offer you?”


I am the girl who works hard at school

Only to become ridiculed,

Voices of mockery filling my ears

Because I try too hard to be great,

And it’s not “cool” to be a “try hard.”

But it’s ok, it doesn’t hurt, right?


I am the girl who forgives too easily.

The one who lets others knock me over

Without even putting up a fight.

Because it’s better for me to hurt

Than to make the ones who hurt me




I am the girl who looks in the mirror

And pinches every piece of imperfection,

And cries,

And breaks.

Because I am not the kind of beautiful

That the boys pay attention to

Or that people stare at in admiration.


I am the girl who thinks too much

And fights to live through sleepless nights

A belligerent battle in my head.

Because if I am not this flawless all achieving being,

What is the point of continuing to live?

And if I cannot become perfect,

No one will love

Someone like me.


I am the girl who craves feeling pain,

Found in the aching of my bones

As I begin my third run that day.

1 mile, 2 mile...8,9,10 mile.

And the blurring of my eyes

And the screaming of my stomach

Do not warn me to stop,

But instead push me further,

Because I know I’m one step closer to my goal.


I am the girl who turns down breakfast,

And “forgets her money” for lunch,

And “already ate” come time for dinner,

Then graciously turns down cake on her own birthday.

Running solely on caffeine, water, and pretty pink pills.

Because how could I be worthy of these necessities

Until I reached my unattainable goals?


I am the girl who needs to see crimson

In order to feel,

In order to remind myself there’s still life left in me,

In order to keep it together and keep me going.

Because the only thing that matters

Is making the world believe I am good enough,

That I am worthy of its attention.


I am the girl who basks in my own hell

Because it is the only way I know to keep moving forward

Without having to publicly display

I let the world get the best of me.

I am the girl who let my perceived expectations

Drive me to insanity.


I am the girl

Who destroyed herself.

I am the girl who let her insecurities

Ruin the person she was destined to become.

I am the girl who gave up her life

To try and fit the standards

Of every single person she ever met.


I am the girl that could not understand,

The only thing the world really needed

Was to see the real me.



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