I am.

Location

I am not free. 
I am trapped in a world that bases your worth 
on your beauty, 
and your ability to supress your opinions
and beliefs simply to keep the peace. 
 
So in this world I am a caterpillar waiting 
desperately to become something that
I am not already.
I am envious of the people who are 
already so comfortable in their own skin, 
that I alienate them from being interesting
and I give them the title of being dull. 
 
So in this world I am confined to good,
above average grades, a strong and athletic body, 
and the false desire to be competitive. 
In this world, I am just a kid who
is not old enough to know who I am or discover 
myself. Yet I am not young enough to avoid
impending responsibilities of an adult.
 
I am to know what pink doesn't match with, 
but not how to pay my taxes, so instead I wear
black in an attempt to conceal my true bitterness
for the transition I am stuck in.
 
I am a girl who writes my feelings because 
when I speak them, my mouth begins to melt 
off my face and my tongue turns to dust
and my ideas fall out, not wanting to be swept 
up into someone else's dust pan and be publicly 
deemed unworthy for the trash can, so the particle
are tossed to the wind and forgotten of their 
very
brief 
existence.
 
I am a person who would rather my nose be stuck 
in a book, pretending that I am the hero of 
my own story; knowing that in reality if I had 
the true confidence, not the false type that
I have now, that I could save myself. 
 
When it is raining, and the heavy grey clouds emit
a sleepy, dark glow, I am the person that grabs 
her happiness and dances with it while her 
cheeks glow a cherry red from the cold. 
 
I am a person that is in possession of so many 
half assembled pieces of glass, stained clear
with anxiety that some would think made a piece of 
artwork on its own. The outsiders' once-lingering
gaze disappears as their eyes become glazed 
over with desire to fufill the need for 
superficiality and be praised for it. And when 
this happens, I am the child that turns to poetry
in order to release emotion and return to what is 
beautiful in the world because it is so easily 
forgotton. 
 
I am the sliver of betrayal that a lover feels when 
they discover that there are more than 2 people
in the original agreed relationship. 
 
I am the 0.01% of germs that hand sanitizer can't 
guarantee protection against. I am the shred of 
light from the sun that aims and shoots perfectly 
into your retina which causes a cry of annoyance 
and the action of closing the shutters.
 
I am the mosquito that you bat away with a hand. 
 
I am the right hemisphere of the brain, 
but I behave as the left. 
 
I let on nothing, but one day I will be free enough
to no longer feel shame when my opinions and 
imagination fly in another direction than others'. 

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