I wear your kindness like a baby blue sweater
I misinterpret your smile as an “I love you, be with me”
to break these chains that you call suffocating
so that we can be together.
The way you hold her. I see the way you look at her
and this twinkle in your eyes like the stars
she used to count when you made love to her.
You love her.
When you don’t have the strength to lift yourself up
I drop all that is me and carry you on my back like a cross
like a sin that I must hide behind me.
A scripture that must not be read aloud.
I love you.
You send me on a high that i cannot float down from.
When I sleep, I feel you touching me.
When I bathe, I feel you touching me.
When you touch me, I die.
But when you go home and forget about me
I go home, cry into my pillow,
chasing this pavement when I know it leads nowhere.
Can we just wake up in a hotel in Paris and stare at each other for days on end.
I try to talk and you say
"Hush baby," and you wrap your strong arms around me slowly.
This fairy of an idea has grown into a dragon of lust
with fires of passion and regret.
When I look sad, do not ask why.
When I look happy, do not ask why.
When I sneeze, do not say bless you.
The only way to end this desperation is through separation
avoiding each other like the plague is in me.
This paradox of “friends to lovers” cannot be solved,
so I quit right here, right now. Resolved.