i lie there on the floor, stripped from my clothes, naked, bare.
i feel cold.
i can't move.
i cant rise up off the floor.
it's like the Devil himself is holding me down.
the only thing that i am sure of is the dreAd that fills the air.
im feaRful to open my eyes,
fearful of what i will see.
what i will not see
i build the courage to open my eyes
but only to see that all is the same.
there is Nothing infront of me.
nothing to help pick me up.
nothing to greet me with a smile.
the fear starts to fade and disappointmEnt fills the air.
i dreamt that when i woke up from this nightmare
that someone would be there,
that things would Change.
but nothing did.
it's all the samE.
the same deSolate fear and loneliness.
they still exist.
thinking that these dark days would end once i woke up.
but it's all the same.
is this what life is?
a dark void filled with Sorrow?
is there no light?
i try to move my arm again.
this time i wasn't restricted.
i move my legs underneath me.
I gain enough strength to pick my dead essence up.
i stand and peer into the dark void.
where am i?
how did i get here?
where will i go?
i called out into the empTy void.
no one answers me.
no one is here to guide me.
frightened of what lies in the dark I shrink to the ground,
making myself feel small,
hoping that whatEver is there in the dark won't notice me.
i put my head in the palm of my hands.
it Starts to rain.
but something hAppens.
i stop crying.
i stare up into the darkness,
wondering not about how i arrived here,
nor about the creatures that lurk in the daRkness.
instead, i think about the silence.
how pleasing the silEnce is against my ears.
a smile began to sweep my face.
i greW to love this darkness.
it satisfies my.
i accept that this might be wHere i belong.
that this is what was missing.
a place for me to be me.
a place where judgment is overlooked.
where creAtivity and expression are accepTed.
it is still black. but, this Darkness is my home.
it is where i will grow,
where i will find happinEss,
where i will learn to accept who i am,
and never turn back to the past.
the anxiety leaves my body.
all of the negativity Finally melts away.
I begin to walk.
i don't know where i am going.
or who I will meet,
but this New person who is me
will be happy no matter what appears before me.
this darkness is my home,
it is where i found myself.
from this darkness came light.
for this darkness is what defines me.
as i walk through the dark,
confidEnce and pure joy fills me.
i begin to see what i am,
what i want to be.
i am me, a lover of Mystery,
lover of evil,
lover of dEath and darkness.
this is me,
and no one can take this darkness away,
for it is apart of me now,
and so it shall always.