I wish I could live a day without having to overthink things. I honestly wish I could be like the rest of you, drinking my problems away, and not remember anything by the next day. But It's not for me, I can't smoke weed to escape myself. If anything I'm causing more problems for myself. my thyroid problem would be low of health, with no form of wealth reviving it. So I guess I'll keep sobering, and writing shit. There's times I wish I was a cool kid, so I wouldn't have to write as much. Some of these cool pricks are so spoiled, that they don't have to lift their fingers twice as much. I don't connect to no one, every crowd is to cool for me. Most don't want to waste their time with a real nigga who lives through Poetry. That's all she wrote for me. The only connections I have are the chains on by back from the growth of silence. No one can hear my cry for help, so I guess I'm talking to myself. I remember when I went out of my way to make most proud of me for helping them out. Now that I cry out in agony, you're no where to be found. I guess I'll always be taken for granted, like I've always been. I'll never see a reward for my savings, because I'm only used for dept, no credit. I'm such a mess, I get it, but I don't know where I'm heading, so I need help understanding. Sorry I'm not the man you've always wanted me to be. Please stop pretending that you're proud of me. I'm not the topic to any conversation, and that's not something I want to say proudly. No one will walk across the street to support you, but they'll fly across the world just to bury you. Some won't show you that they care, until it's to late. Last minute lover's are a disgrace. I've always been compared to others, that have nothing to do with me. I'm in competition with so many family members, I honestly lost count. It shouldn't be this way, but it's life. You can't pick or choose who you relate to. You just have to deal with the people who surround you. So ask yourself this question, will they save you, if things go terrible, or will they use you to gain shit out of you, and not give a damn about you in the end? It's a question we all can ask ourselves, we don't need to pretend like the topic doesn't exist. Because we all have those types of people that use us to get what they want, and if you disagree with that, then it's you.

This poem is about: 
My family
My community
My country
Our world



You are right, you can't choose who you are related to but you can choose who you surround yourself with. Blood doesn't make a family it's people loving and supporting each other. It's those people who give without intention and talk without contention. I hope you find your true family soon. It will be then you see your life through different eyes. You will know your worth and you will breathe with ease.


Thanks for all the wise words, I believe better days are coming I just have to fight to get there.

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