I When I was three I was taught the shape of a heart

My stubby hands learned to draw first

by scribbling the curved and pointed symbol of love

Even at that age I could master the indentions with my crayons

 

When I was six I was taught the feeling

On the playground we found familiarity in playing house

Setting ourselves to be married at noon by the swingset

Even at that age I could feel the warmth from recieving my first valentine

Even at that age I was a victim to it

 

Or rather not a victim but accustomed

Cause I have been told since I was three that I am too emotional

At seven I cried when my mattress was replaced because I missed my old one

At seventeen I cried both the first second and third time I watched the Disney movie Coco

I do not like getting rid of my childhood toys because I feel I am abandoning them

And sometimes I look up snakes in hats on google and just cry

 

For most emotion is like learning to drive. When you first learn to drive you accelerate to 30 and you feel like you are flying. Then you grow accustom and when driving on the highway slowing to 65 feels like crawling. If there was a drivers test for emotional stability I would definitely have failed, but then again who can blame me. You can't parallel park anxiety. Triple A doesn't rescue you from panic attacks. Steering social situations is much harder.

When I was nine I learned the true shape of the heart

Biologically we were told that the chambers were wide

The figure lumpy and inconcise

Even at that age I could feel the changing of my life from one of outlines to that of concrete

 

When I was eighteen I learned the true shape of the feeling

Love was not a heart candy but a beating vessel

Emotion pumps in like blood, spreading from the core until it is one’s very roots

There is no choice ending for the throbbing is as involuntary as a pulse

There is no symmetry in love, no two sided yin and yang

Emotion is not sweet balance it is chaos

Even at this age I can feel that I am a victim to it