Anger never suited me

It never did and i vow it never will

like an oversized hand me down 

It hangs loose about my body

sleeves too wide it catches the wind

Falls past my knees and slips off my shoulders

And The course fabric Irritates vulnerable skin

pinching the most sensitive areas

Catching static to shock me

Oh No, anger has never fit me

Never fit so easily into the soft beat of my heart

Instead it disturbs, blurs the tender pattern till the rhythm turns violent

Pulsating to the frightening beat of a war drum

inciting feelings of bellicose to rage through the darkness

I will myself to shake away the energizing grip

To spit out the foul bitterness anger shoves down my throat

Closing off the mind-clearing air

it strangles my patience

Curls my fist

Furrows my brow

Igniting a burning rage that scorches my insides

Charring them black and brittle

pressing me to let it out So the whole world can share in the thirsty flame

I bite my tongue

That isnt who i am

And That will never be who i want to be

But Still...its getting hard to remember

Maybe im not meant to? 

I can feel the monstrous pillars of smoke rise from the smolder of the burnt city inside me

Slithering out in tiny ways to burn the hand that loves to sting

The tongue that loves to hurt

It leaves an enflamed kiss and Wants more

But thats an awful thing

I wont cave 

And yet Ricochetting off the throbbing walls

Bouncing in the empty cavity words have painfully hallowed out inside me are the watercolored memories

Beautiful pastels of sorrow bleeding to red

 "You are nothing"

"You are nobody"

"You will go no where in life"

"You are ugly"

"You are selfish"

"You dont care"

Enough! 

God After years of endurance

Silent obedience

I've cracked 

I'm broken

but in a different way entirely

I am finally angry

After so many days melted into years can it be okay that i am?

Cause i cant help it anymore

Im Angry

Im angry,Im angry, Im angry

Angry enough to act

Angry enough to pretend to be someone capable of hurting back

Because why should i always be the one patiently standing here being ripped to fuck'n shreds while you vent? 

Cant i be angry too?

Just this once?

Angry

That word is such a stranger to my tongue, foreign to my lips

Cause even at the peak of fury i know that isnt me

It isnt me

It isnt me

It cant be me

God please don't let it be

Because iv been caught in the backlash of anger, havent i?

And anger has such an awful connotation, doesn't it?

God please dont let that be me

Another furious heart

And yet if it isnt, how is it im disappointed

disappointed in myself

disgusted in myself for feeling angry

For allowing anger to rise from its embers and rage a wild fire in my chest

For wanting to just walk away

And i worry

I worry im not a good person for feeling this way

For not being good enough of a person to keep letting it go

To keep it from changing myself

And In the deepest folds of twighlight 

I worry that maybe anger fits me like a glove

maybe, just Maybe i have grown big enough to fit this handmedown perfectl