Growing up

my stomach rumbles again, loudly,

the girls to the front of me,

to the side of me,

all around me,

giggle and i hear the crunch, crunch

as they munch down their lunches,

i sit an watch enviously,

and i watch them casually trashing their leftovers,

what i'd kill to taste the creamy penut butter,

or taste the bitter sweetness of the grapes,

the grapes that now lay smashed and useless on the floor,

much like me,

mother forgets to feed us,

every once and awhile bread comes along,

stale but yet its everything for us,

i sometimes pretend i am full, like i ate a gigantic feast,

hoping maybe just maybe,

the stale emptiness will go away, even for just a moment,

when daddy was around mommy was loving, she was our mom,

she used to feed us and actually take care of us,

but now mommy is gone,

in her place lays a mindless drunk, a drug abuser, a waste of space,

i used to take money from her when she'd blackout,

go and buy food for us to stay alive another night in our personal hell,

but that was before he came into lives,

he who found out i stole,

he who rasied his hand to me,

while mommy sat there motionless, blank, uncaring, cold,

almost as if she was drowning in her own personal sorow,

it was because of him i begged for my mommy to return,

it was because of him i begged her to help me, to protect me, to be my mommy!

that was the day i grew up,

i had to,

ten years old and i only weighed 60 pounds,

i was already labeled, already bound to the names people were calling me,

unhealthy, underweight, anorexic, freak, scary, i was labeled,

the day he raised his hand to me i broke,

everything, the fragile stabillity id created in my mind,

everything i clung to, to keep me sane, to keep me breathing,

it shattered, i was alone in this world, i was sinking,



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