“It’s a girl!” Her mom said exited

Her dad disappointed, written on his face 

He wants a boy, a man, not a girl 

 

9 months later

 A pink bow is placed on her head

A giddy nurse presents her to a tired mom 

The mom is happy, she has a princess 

Her dad a mix, excited but sad, he wanted his football boy 

 

A daughter, 1, she learns quickly 

She walks only 1 and a half

She knows her puzzles 

She can sound out her words 

 

Her mom starts to differ

She wanted a princess not a mathematician

She wants her girl to be like other girls 

Her mother gives her a dress 

The daughter cries until she has pants

 

Both her parents now disappointed

Her mom and dad try again 

They have twins 

1 boy 1 girl

 

Both are happy 

One a princess 

One a man

 

The little girl is forgotten 

Now forgotten 

She clings to her toys

Learning to play by herself 

 

3 years later 

Now 4 in daycare the girl thrives 

Still alone but she has smarts 

One day she picks up a little bat

She has fun playing softball 

Recess is fun 

She goes to pick up the bat 

Her teacher stops her 

“You're a girl not a boy. Put that down.”

She gets put in the fake house area

She looks out the window

She wishes for the first time to be a boy

 

1 year later 

The girl starts kindergarten 

She’s ecstatic 

She quickly climbs to the top of academics 

She gets 10/10 on her first test 

She runs to her mommy 

Her mom unsure of her daughter quickly stops her

“You are a girl not a boy.”

“Don’t be smart no boy will like you”

The girl quickly becomes sad

She wants friends 

So she won’t be smart 

She’ll be girly 

 

2 years later 

 Now 7 she asks her dad to play baseball with her

He declines 

“Baseball is a boys game not a girls”

“ Go play dress up”

“be a good girl”

She walks away hurt 

While playing dress up with her mom and sister she looks 

In the distance there’s a football

It’s her dad and brother

The girl decides she won’t be sporty 

She wants people to like her so she won’t be smart or sporty

She’ll be a girl

      Obedient, small, caring, silent, behaved,compliant, polite

 

A girl turns to a teen

She is into makeup

She wants to play baseball

Longs for stem

She declines both

Be a girl

Femine 

She talks about boys with friends

She looks out of the classroom window

Sees the sports 

She has an epiphany 

Running base to base 

The wind in her hair 

The dirt churning to dust under her shoes 

 

Now 16 she has her first party

A boy walks across the room 

He stares at her 

Eyes rake across her

Dread encases itself into her

Fear pounds her

She takes a sip out of her solo cup

Warmth spreads

Chill wins

Head goes dizzy 

 

The next day

Glimpses of what happens

A boy happy 

A girl broken

No one will learn 

The end always ceases to repeat  

 

17 worried about her grades

C’s growing into her

She knows she can do it

She lies 

She needs to be in the box

Her siblings get the attention 

She works for her life

No sports 

Just work 

Excited to be free

Scared to leave

Senior sunrise 

The best memory  

 

19 

Now in college 

She can try

She gets her grades

She runs the diamonds 

She flys over her life 

She lost contact with her family 

She’s secretly happy

Majoring in law 

Gaining her degree 

A distant dream

 

24

She has her degree

Flounces around the stage 

Electricity courses through her

She grabs the keys 

Her apartment 

She owns 

Her money 

She meets a man

He’s nice to her

 

25

She’s scared 

Stuck in a room 

He locked her 

She is pulverized in her mind 

He uses her 

She lies to everyone 

 

Repeat 

Repeat 

Repeat

 

She runs 

The dark shading her

The branches opening for her

She runs 

She goes to the police 

She’s finally free

 

26

She’s in the office 

Her therapist talks 

She is incompetent to focus 

She looks at the clicking clock

She is healing

 

27

She blows out the candles 

Happy birthday 

She is safe

Secure 

Law, now her 9-5

She met a man

He treats her right 

She loves him 

He loves her

They are happy 

In love 

 

 

She finally gets her happy ending

 

Now 70 

A grandmother

Happy and grateful

The woman looks out into the horizon 

She finds peace