I used to think that the everything would be fine if you left it alone.

Nothing bad would happen, everything would fix itself in the end.

I pushed away the problem until it was barely even a thought in my mind.

“It’s just something I dreamt up. Nothing more, nothing less.”

 

But then I grew up.

I realized that life isn’t as easy at it seems.

You will go through breakups, abuse, and loneliness until you finally find yourself a completely different person.

You’ll feel weak and distraught.

Yelling out for help until your throat is raw.

But nobody will come, because you pushed the problem away for far too long.

 

When you finally recover, you think you’re all better.

You think “I’ll be fine as long as I’m alone. Where no one can hurt me.”

But that doesn’t work out as well as you thought it would.

You’re still hurt, still recovering from the pain of before.

Only now you’re afraid and choose to stay silent.

 

I’ve been through this and I’m not sure if you have too, but this is my story.

I thought I loved someone.

Turns out it was all for naught.

We took advantage of each other.

The two of us trying to fill in the hole in hearts with fake affection and actions.

It was inevitable that we decided to leave one another.

It was never healthy in the first place.

 

I won’t go into detail or tell you the names.

Just know that they happened and they made me different in a way.

My experiences made me see that if I want to survive in this world I have to love myself before I can love others.

I have to be willing to support those around me and trust that they will support me as well.

In simpler terms, I grew up.

 

But I’m not alone anymore.

I’m stronger and braver.

More willing to show myself to others as a passionate girl who just wants to share the kindness that this world has shrouded in hate and judgement.

I’ve found my true friends.

Those who will support me no matter what may come our way, those I can rely on without a moment of hesitation.

 

I’ve realized so much that I can look back on my experiences and be thankful for them.

I don’t feel sorrow or regret towards them.

I feel thankful, grateful, and hopeful after them.

Because without them I wouldn’t have grown up.

I wouldn’t have been stronger.

I wouldn’t have been more outspoken or brave

 

I am proud to be me and I wouldn't have it any other way.