Goodbye

I hope this letter finds you in good health, and faith. I hope things are going well with your new girlfriend and that you have gotten over every last one of your insecurities. I hope that she makes you as happy, as you once told me, I made you. I hope she’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more, and that the two of you live happily together. I hope your family finally understands and supports what you’re doing, and I hope that along this journey you have found friends. REAL friends. Ones that don’t give up on you, or only want you when they want to get fucked up. Honestly, I just hope that things are going your way. And while YES you were manipulative, and quite frankly and asshole and a user…that doesn’t mean that I’m going to wish ill on you. Because at one point in time, we were what the other needed. Even though I still regret the way things went as they did…ie, me holding on too long, me waiting like I did, the things we said…etc…I won’t deny that you were once what I wanted and needed, and that yes, you taught me many lessons.

Lessons like, how to understand that things I need, aren’t always things that I want. That you were right, guys will lie, and manipulate, just to get what they want from you. And that I REAKED of desperation…and I was desperate for you, and your attention. To feel loved again like I did back in high school. You taught me to grow up. That life, is NOT an Edgar Allan Poe poem, or a fairytale. That no one will ever truly love me with everything they have. People aren’t capable of that. But the BIGGEST lesson you taught me? To learn to let go, and believe in myself again. That I don’t need a man to tell me I’m beautiful, and that I can do that all on my own. You taught me what my mother never could….to fear. To look for the worst in a person, and to feed on that. To only see that.

I’ve learned these lessons, and so many more from you…not just from our relationship, but more so from the breakup. From the times that you would tell me behind whispers and texts that I was the one, and you were still in love with me….for THREE YEARS…I held onto those words; hoping that one day…they would come true. But that was just me being a foolish girl, wasn’t it? Believing in a boy who left me for another girl…now I know you’ve always said that you didn’t…but let’s be honest. You did. And I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with, are the lies that you were there for me…and that you were my friend. I trusted you. That was my dumbest mistake…trusting you.

But despite all your efforts to destroy every last ounce of self-esteem I ever had…I too, have found someone. And you know what? He makes me…happier than I EVER remember being. He makes me laugh even when I’m having an emotional breakdown because he would promise me something that YOU promised me long ago. The difference being…he means them. This man honestly loves me deeper than…I ever think you did. Now that’s not to say that at one point you didn’t love me…because you DID at ONE POINT. But, people fall out of love. It happens. And yeah, I’ve made a lot of dumb, desperate mistakes after you left, but he accepts this, and still chooses me….he chooses me, over parties, and drugs, and drinking. Something you were never able to do…He introduces me to ALL his friends, no matter how minor in his life they are…again, something you were never able to do. He’s not ashamed of the fact that deep down, I am still a child. In fact, he LOVES that MOST about me. His words are never empty, like yours were. This man, indeed, does love me, and I am very happy. But that’s not the reason I’m writing this.

I’m writing this, because you need to know that I’m done. Not because you have a new girlfriend, or you unfriended me on Facebook, or because I have a new boyfriend. I’m writing this to tell you that I’m done, because I finally saw that you are not good for me. I can’t keep crying over every little thing that reminds me of you and all the pain you caused me. I can’t keep holding myself back from falling in love again, because I’m too afraid that he’ll promise, and promise, and promise to never leave…but then turns right around and punches my heart. And proceeds to tell me that “we’re too young to make those choices”. Maybe you were right, maybe YOU were too young to make those choices and promises…but I wasn’t. I still believed in love and promises and happy endings. You stole that from me, and he has given them back. So I’m done crying, I’m done…being there. This is the last you’ll ever hear from me. So I do hope that everything with this girl works for you and that you find good friends. Because I do remember being told that I was your only true friend…and…then again, maybe that was a lie too. But I guess I’ll never know. Somethings are better left that way.

I’ve found, my happy ending…I just hope you find yours.

 

Goodbye. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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