I had my first menstrual cycle at 13

And i have spent my whole life hearing

About the gifts of womanhood

So answer this

Why am i awake late into the night

Searching out answers for keyword searches like

Intimate. partner. sexual assault.

Imputing the word no into my search bar

Wondering to myself

How many other women 

Lie awake at night 

Struck between feeling relieved and guilty

Stuck on the cusp of 

Not quite rape enough

Not quite violent enough

Not quite a problem

Not heard

And should i feel lucky?

That he only took my safety and not my body? 

That he stopped when i dug my ass into the memory foam mattress?

Spit back fire instead of consent?

i have learned that even lions can appear charming.