I had my first menstrual cycle at 13
And i have spent my whole life hearing
About the gifts of womanhood
So answer this
Why am i awake late into the night
Searching out answers for keyword searches like
Intimate. partner. sexual assault.
Imputing the word no into my search bar
Wondering to myself
How many other women
Lie awake at night
Struck between feeling relieved and guilty
Stuck on the cusp of
Not quite rape enough
Not quite violent enough
Not quite a problem
And should i feel lucky?
That he only took my safety and not my body?
That he stopped when i dug my ass into the memory foam mattress?
Spit back fire instead of consent?
i have learned that even lions can appear charming.