When I was a little girl

Pain was like a friend of mine.

It played with me on merry-go-rounds.

It slid with me on slides.

It was my shadow on hot summer days.

It was the mask that covered my smile.

 

One day my mother and stepfather’s words

Were at war.

Their words were cascading off their tongues

And hitting the walls like bullets.

His tongue was a loaded gun

Ready with the barrel aimed at her heart.

She was the beautiful dove with a damaged wing

That only wanted to fly.

 

There words were deafening to my ears

Like bombs.

I wished the horror could stop.

I just wanted silence to hang in the air

Like paper planes on a string.

 

When I was a little girl

Pain was like a friend of mine.  

 

They went on like a tune on the radio

That I wished I could turn down.

 

I had enough.

 

I remember yelling at them to stop

But my voice faded into the noise between them.

My heart pounded like a heavy hammer on a nail

As I wedged myself into the chaotic space that held them captive.

I wrapped my frail arms around my mother’s waist

As if to hold her temple from crumbling.

 

I came to save the day.

I wanted to be the superhero

ready to save the victim from the villain.

I wanted to be the knight in shining armor

Ready to save the damsel in distress.

But little did I know

That my small frame

Was no match for these giants.

For they were my Goliaths

And I was no David.

 

When I was a little girl

Pain was like a friend of mine.

 

I could only imagine the pain my mother held inside,

Like bitter wine in an old barrel.

The thought of it weighed heavy on me like iron chains

Around my wrists.

The pain paralyzed the beating of my heart

The blood seized to flow.

 

I became blinded by the fear of love.

 

The fear of putting my heart in

someone’s imperfect hands that could

Choke all the love I could possible give.

 

But before I fell in a ditch

While walking blind,

I gave my past to the Lord

And I humbled myself.

Through that I gained the strength to smile

At tomorrow.

I gained the strength to pull back the curtains,

open the window

to let the light in,

And air out the pain that crept up the walls.

 

I am no longer that little girl

With a friend called pain,

And a Giant called fear.

 

For God has taken me and wrapped me in His image

And has made me a work of art

Despite my broken frame.

 

Now, He holds my fragile heart

And kisses my scars.

 

He leans in close

And says, “Let me love you.

Let me stand beside you

For I will never let you go.

 

So, don’t ever be afraid

To spread your wings out and fly.

For I have painted the skies

A marvelous blue for your eyes to see.