My cold heart slowly beats,
Waking me, growing louder with every beat.
I hate waking up,
Fighting myself every day.
Slowly I get out of bed and stare out of the window,
My mind weakening me with every pace.
I watch the kids playing outside for a while.
Constantly questioning why I can’t be like them,
So care free and lively.
Today my mind won’t stop screeching at me,
Loudly judging every movement and thought I make.
The room feels like it’s closing in around me,
I feel like I’m going to be squished into nothing.
I don’t remember the last time I felt content with my mind.
Now it seems like I was never actually happy,
But deceived into thinking I was.
My breathing is unsteady,
But that’s usual now.
My breathing always loses pace when I think of my future.
My mind constantly gnaws at me,
Always asking “Is this how it’s going to always be?”
I cry when these questions fight me.
Because truthfully I don’t know how I’ll end up.
When I cry my tears drain the last strength I have in my body.
The pain kills my appetite,
Sometimes I can’t even lift my fork.
My wish is to be normal,
But alive I know I’ll never be normal.
Sometimes I feel like I’ll die in this ward,
Along with all the other rejects that weren’t wanted by society.
Not all rejects come to the ward,
There are some that went down the wrong path.
I’m a reject,
I didn’t choose to go down this path,
It was already chosen for me.
The walls are closing in on me,
And I have to decide what my next move is.
My life is a chess game,
But I’m not the king or queen.
I’m just a feeble pawn in the game of life.
The walls are closing in and I can’t breathe,
It’s my move.