You have finally stopped thinking about him
Once in awhile though, you reminisce
He gave you a zest for life you never knew possible.
Initially it was inspiration,
then came the taint of purpose.
What followed was the loss of your sense of self.
You realised early on that the idea of the both of you-together was farfetched, your differences were too vast, but in the purity of your adoration, somehow all common sense was lost, rationality became your enemy.
You suddenly believe in fate. Fate - a delicate set of events that brought you two together
All of a sudden, every miniscule detail had meaning : a pet's name, your birthdays ; even the streets you reside on, albeit in different parts of the world. You fool yourself into believing that this cannot be solely coincidental. Your head was up in the clouds, nothing could dissuade you or pull you down.
Until that day.
Was it divine intervention?
Or a friend's harsh words coated with utmost concern?
Or maybe your feelings made you weary giving way for logic to break through the strong barriers you built.
Your vision became clear, the truth made you sick to the stomach, you finally saw the wreck your life had become
You felt foolish, shedding buckets of tears on your bedroom floor, realisation hit you like a boulder falling off a cliff
He may have been a tidal wave in your life, leaving chaos and destruction in his wake, but you were just a ripple in his.
You realise that it was a losing battle to begin with
Your side had already given up the proverbial throne before the war cry struck
1 month.. 6 months.. a year, then 2
He crosses your mind in scattered moments
You remember the pieces of you he kept
Time may not heal all wounds
You gained a little perspective
Build your walls a little stronger
Made you a bit more cynical
The word 'almost' is now imbued with pain and melancholy
Pull that knife out,
Lock that chest of memories
Splint your fractured soul
Exit your pareidolia
Lift your heavy head
Raise your fatigued shoulders
Palms on the ground,
Get off the bedroom floor.