Fighting Emotions

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He let me know before his girlfriend

Do I mean something after all?

But what does it mean…

I’m out of the intertwined loop.

I snapped my end of the claim.

I can still care like a person,

but why does he trust me when he was so betrayed by me?

I have been so uncomfortable…

but when he reached out and latched onto me…

I saw desperation in his eyes.

I stood up to give him a hug and he collapsed on me in tears.

The day I wanted to tell him everything I have been feeling,

yet now he shows me he can’t take it.

That my crushing him would put him over the edge.

Am I really the only person he trusts?

Or am I being a fool and falling for smoke and mirrors again.

I’m repulsed by him.

Yet when I hug him, when he latched onto me, when he cried on me…

I see the baby tiger I took care of my sophomore year.

I see the scared timid middle schooler who looked to me for advice.

Romance is gone.

I don’t love him.

That died a long time ago.

But is he still my friend, or am I being fooled?

He abandoned me!

He left me for dead and blamed me for his choices!!!

But then there he is crying into my chest like when we were younger.

He can’t hold it together like I’m barely able to.

His inner-mind images are like my nightmares.

We see similar things and therefore empathize with each other…

But… Our steel became tape and that tape became tattered.

Am I a friend or a toy?

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