A Few Thoughts

I am such a complex person to understand

To the point where I don't know how anyone else can

I get too caught up in trying to find who I'm supposed to be

That I don't take the time to realize who's surrounding me

Like maybe there's that one person who will leave me in this beautiful haze

And it would seem like I could be with them for forever and a day

Apparently they'll help you see who you are

But I've never been brave enough to go that far

There are so many people we can lose in our life

And sometimes getting them back just isn't worth the fight

I think the worst person to lose is yourself

Because what was once in your heart can no longer be felt

Then there's these thoughts that start to form emotional scars

Constantly screaming at you, "Who do you think you are?!"

"Who on earth could need you? No one's that desparate."

Then the screaming gets so loud you can't help but believe it

Soon the rhyme of life starts to fade away

The ebb and flow of it starts to decay

It's replaced with the thoughts that you constantly chant:

I don't deserve to be happy

I don't deserve to be wanted

I don't deserve to be loved

Because my biggest mistake was simply existing

My heda is full of fantasies I want to live in

But in reality all I want to do is crawl out of my own skin

My mistakes are Itchy, my regrets are sore

I don't want to be alone with these thoughts anymore

I am tired of them telling me that I'm not worth it

When even they know that there is no such thing as perfect

It's because of them I'm afraid to be loved, I'm afraid to be judged

All these emotions are causing a flood

I'm afraid to love you, afraid to let these feelings be felt

How can i love you if I don't love myself?

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