Feeling Over Word

You make it seem so easy

Like its my will to feel this way
Like I decided this
Like I'm not holding up my end of the bargain
Like I'm letting people down
Like its all on me
Like its only me
You tell me I am so loved
You think telling me will make me believe
You think that if I just keep telling myself that
I'll believe it one day
 
Like somehow repeating a single, fragile, weightless word could make me feel something that I don't feel now
How can verbalizing a word change my emotions, my feelings
That's nonsense
It's not my fault that I don't feel it
That it only comes to visit occasionally
That's not me
But what is it
 
People can't love or don't love the way I do
And that's a true blessing and a true curse

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