Like its my will to feel this way

Like I decided this

Like I'm not holding up my end of the bargain

Like I'm letting people down

Like its all on me

Like its only me

You tell me I am so loved

You think telling me will make me believe

You think that if I just keep telling myself that

I'll believe it one day

 

Like somehow repeating a single, fragile, weightless word could make me feel something that I don't feel now

How can verbalizing a word change my emotions, my feelings

That's nonsense

It's not my fault that I don't feel it

That it only comes to visit occasionally

That's not me

But what is it

 

People can't love or don't love the way I do

And that's a true blessing and a true curse