that fall was the only time

I didn't. 

That time, that November, 

was when I soared. 

You held me close and the promised-

Truly promised-

to keep me safe 

and never let go. 

Fall was when I found you 

Fall was when

I found myself 

together with you. 

Fall-November-marked a year

since insidious lies

and foul promises 

marked my wrists in fiery red. 

Fall was when your hair fell

into my face 

as you kissed me,

but I failed to realize, 

the marks on my wrists 

were the same red 

as our cheeks 

and your hair. 

And how ironic 

that spring was 

when I sunk to my knees,

clawing at my frail frame 

and cried out for you. 

95 lbs dropped to 88 lbs

188 scars turned to 195 scars and counting 

It took you 1, 2, 3 months for you to realize 

"I need someone new"

As if because you were becoming whole and perfect,

Your partner had to become untouched and seamless

as well.. 

And so it took you 1, 2, 3 seconds 

for you to let go 

and watch as I collapsed 

while you slide into your new lover's 

Arms. 

Now I'm here, 

Shaking and crying

and numb and dying 

in the dead of springtime. 

Where new life should grow 

I don't think you understood

how seasons worked. 

But maybe, 

I got it wrong. 

She was your springtime. 

And I was your fall.