Every Time I Press Send

Every time I press send
I feel relieved
That someone is there
Willing to talk to
Me.

 

Every time I press send
I'm terrified of what you may think of me
This time 
But you calm my nerves 
With your soothing words.

 

Every time I press send
A new layer is unfolded
Another present is unwrapped
As you are even more complex than I.

 

Every time I press send
You become my dose of Prozac 
Even though I may be bothering you
Am I abusing this drug?

 

Every time I press send
Another tear falls from my face
Because I was desperate 
And you still stayed there.

Every time I press send
I know
You are the only one to understand 
me.

 

Every time I press send
I am reminded of how 
you left me.

You come with a trigger warning 
When rereading our conversations
At midnight,
The guilt keeps crawling up my chest
With no one left to push it away for me,
I know what's in the box in my closet
Just a few feet away,

 

DO IT YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, RIGHT?
But I didn't.
Because of you.
and now
i am a l o n e
again.

 

because

 

Every time I pressed send
I was reminded of how
I loved you.
So maybe that is why I
Now find myself 
pressing 
delete.

This poem is about: 
Me
My community

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741