I don't know if this shadow really belongs to me anymore

I mean, this use to belong to a confident girl who was sure 

with every step she took, it took her one step closer to her desires

Now I'm just an 18 year old girl who doesn't know where

she's going. I don't know if this ritous path thats known for taking

people towards their big dreams that you only dream when you're 

asleep is actually meant for me. I don't know If I am the right Atlas 

to bear all the responsibilities my world has forced upon me

as the older sibling. I can barley catch up to time as it is despite

how fast my long legs try to carry me. You know, for a girl who

can sprint pretty fast, I sure take a pretty long while to do a class

asighnemnt; especially out of the 20 things I need to accomplish 

on my to do list, it takes 40 minutes to do two of them. Yet my 

mind being ADHD refuses to halt from worrying about the constant 

alarms and reminders rattling in my head.

Sometimes, I would imagine myself in a different reality where

my life plummets for the worse; sitting in a dark corner of my 

room with a tower of books to keep me company since they're

the only escape route my mind has to block out all the failures I drag

around with imagination and characters that're able to find their own 

resolution that I failed to seek for myself. Ironically, I don't have the time to 

read since I'm still anxious whether my weary college bound legs

still has anything left in the tank to still fly and land me in my dream college

...........or any college at all. 

For some time now, I retreated on my own personal Alchemit journey to reclaim

my purpose. As I continued on this dessert path, I came across familiar faces that

came in forms of gypsyies, Malchizdeck, and English men. Through these

encounters, I slowed my progress for a moment  to see how far I've come. 

Just like a bead of water, a pivotal realization seeped into my brain that made

me realize that through my consistent trials and tribulations, I am by nature, a very

unpredictable person. When my mom crid her frustrations on whether 

I was going to pass a kingarten reading level being in first grade, by some miracle, 

my reading catapulted to exceeding levels which along the way nourished my affintiy for stories.

When my mom tried to persuead me to move to another

Chemistry class that was less stressful to my grades. I kept pushing despite all odds

and finished the race with barley a 70. When the school administrators were skeptical 

of whether I was able to handle a pre-ap class enviorment, I not only did I pass the class

but I took it another level by persue AP, Dual credit, and even Honors classes, 

and I stubbornly fought  every tooth and nail to prove them wrong with every late night 

and early morning study and tutoring. 

When I finally reached the top of the sand dune, I at last met the Alchemist who 

helped bring clarity to my restless mind by inhaling in me breath of confidence 

within my lungs, and pouring the elixer of courage to my heart to where by the time

I looked within myself, I was in awe by the chasm of jewels and gems that relfected 

from my heart a Kind, Strong, Hardworking, Powerful, Explosive, Benevolent,  

 Nubian Queen that can - or wait a minute-- will take the world by storm. 

My odyssey rebirth me as a woman who's steps were less timid, and more presice, 

A girl who shied from pain, to a woman who embraces pain. A girl who thought everyday

was the end of the world to a woman who will thank the almighty for giving me 

strength to fight for my dreams another day 

since God gives his toughfest battles to his

strongest soldiers.

This poem is about: 


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