Do you remember? 

Cuz I don't. 
Do you remember a time when it came easily. 
Because the longer you're not hear the more I can't remember
I can't remember the last time when the smile I wore touched my hart
AI can't remember the last time when my laugh didn't sound forced to my ears
I can't remember the last time I didn't have to force my self thought the day

But I do remember the time when I forgot you were gone 
when I came rushing home to talk to you 
 just to find your empty room
That same emptiness i my soul
Empty of what it once used to occupy it
 
Ever since June
When It happened 
the Big Bang
I saw it coming but I didn't want it to be
You told me you loved me and I pleaded with you not to go
But god being who he is
Of course he didn't listen 
He took you anyways
When he took you that day he took me with you

I stayed splayed across your hospital bed and balled 
My soul left that same night 
All happiness in my life dulled
All the colors seemed to fade 
And that dark abyss started to invade
I the impeccable me became a shell
I walked through that summer in a daze

Trying to find my way
I kept wanted to ask you for guidance 
Yet you were never there
When I needed you most god took you away from me
 I want to know how great is this god if he always seems to take the good away from me
 
In my hand held your life and like water it slipped away from me 
All that was left was a sore throat and my many tears 
I used to go in and smell your perfume 
I used to rub my hands along your wardrobe and imagine you there
I used to pretend
I used to recall our every conversation

Yet lately its gotten harder 
I've forgotten if your eyes were brown flecked with green
or brown flecked with blue
I've forgotten that story about when you were a kid 
And I've forgotten when was the last time you wore that dress

I forgotten the way your hugs felt 
And I forgotten the way you used to help me
I've even forgotten the reason for our last fight 
I'm scared I'm losing you even more
You were the on who told me that I will always have our memories
But what are my memories if it seems like all I'm doing is forgetting

It hurts 
It hurts worse than dieing
What hurts the worse is not the overwhelming sadness 
It's the eternal emptiness 
You were the only one who could understand
And dad acts like he can't get why I'm doing what I do
It's because I fucking need you
You don't know what I would give to talk to you for 5mins
Or to just see your face
Or even to just hear your voice 

I try to ebb the pain 
Yet all that leaves me is shattered prices of my heart one reality settles back in
The five stages of grief
I've read them...their meaningless to me
When who'll acceptance finally settle in? 
Because right now all I want to do is leave

I can't stay home because every particle has a memory 
I'm left  here standing by all your elephant figurines 
I can't look at them with out the tears they bring
I wonder if those elephants would drown in my tears? 
I am
I'm left here with out my person
I'm left here with out my confidence
My sister gets her favorite parent and I get a hole in my soul

I'm alone with out my mother   
Whose elephants are drowning in my tears
I'm wondering how I'm going to get through tomorrow
And I look down 
In my hand 
lays a bottle.