It’s hard to hear my voice when it’s my heart that needs to speak. It’s my heart that’s loudly screaming to my mouth that’s just too weak. This tension overcomes me to the point of pure distress, is it something that will soon dismiss itself? Is it something that will break away and not soon return? Or is it something that will continue to habitually burn? Don’t blame me for my feelings I don’t understand them well, they are foreign bodies digging trying to unveil my hard and flaking shell. I don’t mean to build these walls so high that you can’t seem to see me. I just can’t let you see this ugly selfish being. I say this because I know I shouldn’t be; I shouldn’t put myself before others honestly. It’s my defense mechanism, something wired into my brain, something I have yet to tame. Something so new it has yet to have its own name. I want to find the words to help you understand my heart, but I lost them trying to actually start. I’ll find new ones I promise you, I just need time and I kind of need you too. I guess what I’m saying is I’m scared you’ll love her more, I’m scared I’m not enough or way too much or none at all. It’s silly, this I know, because the love we have is strong. And I know I’m completely wrong. But I can’t help but feel this way I want you to see. Show me I’m afraid for no good reason and I think I’ll be at ease.