Dear Grandpa

 

Do you remember when

i came home from school when I was 5?

You sat me down at the table for a snack

and told me my dog Tippy died.

 

Grandpa,

Do you remember when

i sat on the front porch all night and cried

cause they told me my baby brother had cancer?

not even God would listen then.

 

Grandpa

tell me

Do you remember when 

the roof of the house caved in 

during that storm but we couldn't fix it

cause we never had enough money to do more than we needed to do?

 

Grandpa? Can you hear me?

i said Grandpa!

do you remember when that innocent granddaughter of yours when on a date with that boy, and got defiled and called a slut for years?

 

Grandpa?

are you there?

do you remember when the tumors spread and took my brother, and my father wept, with you and my mother

and i stood on the front porch as the cops and hearse came charging in?

 

Grandpa,

do you remember when

i ate all those pills so i wouldn't have to

hurt again

or live or breathe or cry again

cause do you even remember when you left?

 

the only way you hear me now, up through the skies and through the clouds

is through a heart-struck prayer and a hardened brow

cause God don't talk to me

 

but on that porch when i was left all alone

you let me in and your love was shone

so i scream to you from a backyard covered in knee-high grass and moss.

 

and since you left, i've only got myself to blame for

no more pickles or watching football games

now that i'm alone it's all the same so tell me Grandpa

if you can hear me

do you remember when?