I look for you in every person I meet.
I look for your hands, your wrists, your eyes..
I search for your smile as if I'm searching for peace.

I hold on to our memories like I hold on to dear life.
Did you know
I stopped holding on to life for a while?
I let go of life's hand and the first thing I let go of was you. 
It was peaceful for a while to walk into a room full of people and not look for your eyes.
Not die a little inside for not hearing your voice. 

Did you know
That every time someone calls me "babygirl" 
I shiver. 

You know I walked out of a lecture once because the person sitting next to me talked like you do..
It was just too overwhelming for me to stay .

I still can't look my friend in the eye because my friend has that look of yours.
That hypnotic look of yours.
I have to admit that I became friends with a couple of people because they look a lot like you...

The last time I saw you 
you hugged me.
And it felt so different I wanted to hit you so hard to give me the person I loved back.
I know my beautiful lover lays somewhere inside of you.

I get it.
you changed.
So did I.
But you.. 
You moved on so fast.
I never expected that I was just a cigarette for you.
I never imagined to be this disposable.

I get it.
You left. And so did I.
But I still look for your face in every room I walk into.
My only question is this:

Do you do the same?

-OxytoxicJo