Do it.

Do it

You’re worthless

Do it

No one cares

Do it

You have nothing left

Do it.


It’s a constant screaming in the back of my mind

A voice much like my own

A voice telling me what’ wrong with me

Telling me that I can’t fix it

It’s screaming but only I can hear it

Only I can hear its hurtful words that drowns out every other sound

Every other sense


Do it

Stop pretending

Do it

You can’t fix it

Do it

You’re worth nothing to them!

Do it.


It doesn’t stop

It never stops

I can’t think!

It won’t leave me alone

It won’t go away

It won’t go away!


Its screams


Do it

It will make you feel better

Do it

It will take the pain away

Do it

Pick up the blade

Do it.


Its screams at me to do it

To hurt myself

It says it will make me feel better, happier

I’m scared

It’ll hurt

And I’m scared…..


Do it

It won’t hurt for long

Do it

Don’t be a coward

Do it

It’ll make you happy

Do it.

I did it….

It hurt

It hurt so much

But it also felt good

I smiled through it all

I’m not scared of it anymore


Do it

You haven’t for a while

Do it

Don’t you miss it?

Do it!

You know you want to



I did it already!

I don’t want to do it again!

 It won’t go away!

It won’t go away!

 It’s worse than before!

The words are harsher, colder

They make me do it again and again


Do it

You’re invisible

Do it

No one loves you

Do it

They all hate you



I can’t take this anymore!

I’m going insane!

It hurts!

I’m scared!

I’m scared of this blade!

I’m scared of this voice!

I’m scared of myself!


Do it.

Theres a way to stop this

Do it.

A way to end it all

Do it!

Cut a little deeper





I did as I was told….

I cut deeper…

It hurt at first but……

It doesn’t hurt anymore….

I feel free…

The… voice….

Is finally….



You did it.


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I wrote this back when I was in high school and was going through a really rough time. I struggled with bullying, a toxic emotionally and mentally abusive partner, homophobic people, etc. The list could go on and on. During this time, I fell into the dark hole that is self-harm. Though I found a solace in it, it also caused me more of the pain that I was trying to escape. The thoughts and feelings behind it were so contradicting and intense that I didn’t know how to describe them. It wasn’t until the day I picked up a pen instead of a blade that I finally could get some of what I was experiencing into words. When I wrote this, I was in a dark headspace and looking back on it now, my life may have ended that night if I hadn’t have chosen the pen. The reason I am sharing this poem isn’t to look for pity or to scare anyone, I just want others experiencing something similar to know that they aren’t alone. Although those thoughts may be terrifying and disturbing, they are valid and do not make them crazy.   


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