My mind is an ever-evolving ball of guilt and shame

Every thought twists and turns, leaps and lunges, crosses and curves

Every time I catch one two others take its place

 

I’m only sixteen

I’m supposed to be worrying about the test I have Thursday, the homework I left unfinished, the trends at school, the girl I’ll one day take to prom

That’s what everyone tells me, at least

 

Instead I spend my days trapped inside the prison that is my head

Hoping for a key that will never come to set me free

Stuck wondering what if I was this skin color, or that gender instead

Wondering about the unacknowledged privileges granted to me

 

There are too many issues to choose from

 

Do I talk about how a nation that prides itself on its treatment of women and minorities

A nation that attempts to present itself as a model for the world

Because we are America, land of the free, home of the brave

Has gone against everything it says it stands for to elect a sexist, racist, angry, bigot?

To become America, land of the privileged few, home of the fearful many

Free speech suddenly becomes justification for hate speech

 

Or do I talk about the hypocrisy of a religion that preaches love for all people because hallelujah GOD IS GOOD

That is, unless you’re Buddhist, atheist, or any other non-conformist

Unless you’re homosexual, transsexual, or bisexual

Because don’t be silly, the Bible says Adam and Eve

Not Adam and Steve

And YOUR choice goes against everything I believe

 

Or maybe I talk about how by vocalizing my internal struggle

I have no doubt I will be labeled too passionate

Too loud

Too aggressive

By some of you in front of me

 

The list goes on and on

 

And now I pray to a god I don’t believe in

In a nation I’m losing faith in

That these words do not reach you as words of anger

But instead as words of frustration

That something like this or that can define a whole nation

 

And I pray to a god I don’t believe in

In a nation I’m losing faith in

That you decide to live open minded

Because there was a time where once I can’t say I did

And to be truthful

I still can’t say I do