Divorce is a sinking ship.
The sea parts with crashing waves.
A tsunami of destruction that floods over every part of your life.
You left me drowning.
Like a sailor leaving the wreckage of his once beloved ship.
Parting ways with the crew.
Despite growing accustomed to the seasick nights.
When the waves would tuck you in,sing you a bedtime story, and kiss you with its mist.
Remember when you used to do that to me?
You drove me to daycare.
Held my hand as we crossed the street.
We laughed and made so many memories.
But now, the floorboards creak with all the father figures i tried to replace you with.
A navigator with a broken compass.
No life vest.
Not knowing how to paddle.
Between the currents of shitty guys that came aboard.
As I was never taught how to sail.
You never taught me how to sail.
And now im drowning in missed birthday calls, and empty dial tones every time i picked up the phone.
I miss you.
But the emptiness you left me with has turned into rage.
Replacing your little girl's smile into a bite, snarl, a jaw that kills ...all the love you said you had for me.
I used to wish for the ocean to swallow you whole.
For you to feel the push and pull of my inner conflicts everytime
they say parents.
I say donor.
They say dad.
I say who’s that?.
You said I’m trying.
I say, "Are you really?"
….because this sailor has had to learn to sail on her own.
Building my own ship out of the scraps of wood..you left.
Putting a sail up to distract myself from your memory.
The waves are more familiar to me than your voice.
As you are a stranger of the sea.
The unknown sailor from long ago.
That waved at me from the safety of the land.
But one day.
Maybe I can gain the courage,to call you friend.