In clouds and in shadows I fled my mind,
unable to handle the world around me.
Instead of seeking help,
I sought desolation instead.
When my lowest time came I gave up,
but here you came.
My knight in shining armor,
reaching your hand out to save me from the void.
Your words cut me from my own hate, my own malice seemed to vanish,
the world seemed a far less scary place when I saw your smile,
the smile that had pulled me from the dark.
The darkness seemed so far behind me.
I thought little of times when I felt you asked weird requests,
when you asked me to not talk to someone I thought they were bad.
When you seemed angry when you asked me to do something I’d never do,
I was the one with guilt.
Whenever I did get angry at you,
you knew exactly what to say to make me happy again.
Why should I care about what I’m losing,
when I know that you love me?
It took a blow from you to wake me up,
I saw the world again in darkness.
There you were, a shadow darker than the world itself,
yet you still managed to make me love you still.
Every hit I took I did for you,
I thought that by doing this I was helping you.
You’d make me laugh, but you also made me cry,
on your own you could make the world brighter or make it darker than ever.
Many told me that you were a toxin,
I chose not to believe.
You told me they were trying to ruin our dream,
I chose to believe.
Together we lived under the same roof,
against my own family’s wishes.
Here I thought the fantasy would begin again,
but the pain of each day grew stronger.
Each time I said no to the even simplest request,
you would turn into a demon.
A demon that would lash out and punish me,
I could no longer see my knight in shining armor.
Once again I huddled to the sky and shadows,
doing my best to stay in my own mind,
yet through my efforts you would pull me back,
back to this dark and twisted world.
One day, you came home woozy,
a foul stench wafted around you.
I knew I should hide,
I had to or else I’d never see the light.
You screamed for me,
roaring my name aloud as you trashed around the house.
I heard crashing and soon fear completely gripped me,
smoke filled the air.
I rushed from my hiding place,
I looked around the house and found you under the wardrobe,
too drunk to easily slip out from under it.
I moved to lift it off you,
but found myself hesitating.
I stepped back,
ignoring your pleas for help,
I rushed out of the building,
leaving you to whatever fate you deserve.
By the time help could arrive,
You were nothing but ash along with the house you had trapped me in.
All that remained of you was your rusty car that protruded from the burnt remains of the garage,
Relief pooled within me.
My nightmare had ended,
I no longer saw the world as dark,
but I also no longer saw a fantasy,
this was simply the world I lived in.
When push came to shove,
and the fear had returned again,
I once again looked for salvation,
a wish granted to me by desolation.