Do you know what it is like to Lay. Completely. Still.In. A. Quiet. Room.Exploding?Words burn and bounce across the trampoline that seems to be my brainI know that I have a disorder. That I have an unnatural voice inside my neurons. But. I. Can't. Resist.The words that tell me that its not me, that my parents make it worse, that I am not wrong. And there are the words that I feed myself. Printed on colorful pages to make them more convincing are thosefull of stone smiles and cheesy slogansI matter. I am beautiful. I love myself.  But these don't matter because deep down you are trying so so hard to believe them That. It. Hurts. And. You. Cant. Make. It. Stop. Your fingers scroll through your contactsLooking for anyone who will make you stop trembling.To stop and think that your life matters That you shouldn't kill the words in your head. And you see herShe may not answer at first,but when she does...I virtually yellI tell her everythingMy anger, my depression, the words and that I lie when I say I’m fineAnd she listensAnd my fingers quiet themselves I can breathe again. The air is almost foreign but I breathe it in like I came back from the deadBecause she understands And I believe she loves me. Really. She would miss meIn her heart I matterSo, I. Lay. Completely. Still.Until the room comes into a sharp focusand I remember that my responsibilities await me -the me that I show the world. My anxiety drops me in a desert that blocks the entrance of any othersBut the one thing that I need when I get locked on that island Is the love of my sister