"And how would you describe the pain?",she asked me

Her kind voice holding an edge of caution

Like she was afraid of me

Like somehow my mental pain is something contagious 

A disease you can catch

But she doesn't know

She can't know

The midnight tears

The constant anxiety

The "what ifs"

The "maybes"

My brain always spilling hatred to the surface of my cranium

Underneath my eyelids my doubts fester

I am drowning in self-hatred and coffee

"The pain is unmeasurable. Its not a 1-10 scale, Its off the charts."

"You can't define this, You cant define me."

-Weekly Sessions